Airgroup 51

General Forums (Public) => General Discussion (Public) => Topic started by: AG-51_Hawg on October 24, 2011, 11:42:12 AM

Title: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Hawg on October 24, 2011, 11:42:12 AM
I don't know if we have a sticky Joke thread if not make this it !! :)


A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST.
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.

Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your Wooden Leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

 
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Cobraj on October 24, 2011, 01:05:45 PM
Sticky
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_TwoLate on October 24, 2011, 03:42:50 PM
mlol
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Thud on December 22, 2011, 10:03:55 AM
Me and the daughter playing with her new MAC
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Sabot on January 17, 2012, 09:18:14 PM
While walking along the cliffs along Lake Mead last Sunday morning I noticed a Obama Supporter slip from the cliffs and fall into the Lake.

He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the propaganda he had been carrying. If he didn't get help he'd surely drown.

Being responsible I informed Police and the Park Rangers.
 
It is now 4 p.m..on Tuesday, he has drowned, and neither authority has yet responded. I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Glider on January 18, 2012, 10:34:41 AM
Me and the daughter playing with her new MAC

Don't let Bulldog see that picture... he start having nightmares about anal probes again!
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: 69.GIAP-ARTUR on February 06, 2012, 11:38:47 AM
 An  old Pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of  coffee. 
 
 As  he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to  him... 
She  turned to the pilot and said, "I'm told you're a pilot, is that  true?"
 
 He  replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes; Cubs, Aeronca's,  Neiuports,  flew A-6  Attack aircraft in Vietnam, taught 50 people to  fly  and gave  rides to hundreds, so, yes, I guess I am a  pilot."
 
 He then asked  the young woman, "What do you do?"
 
 She  said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As  soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower,  I think about  naked women  When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems  everything  makes me  think of naked women."
 
 The  two sat drinking their coffee in silence until the woman got up  and left.
 
 A  little while later, a  young man sat  down by the old pilot and asked,  "Are  you really a pilot?"
 
 The  old man thought for a while and finally replied, "Well, I always thought I  was a pilot, but I just recently found out I'm really a  lesbian."
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: Hatter on February 16, 2012, 10:36:54 AM
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/13046081/a-typical-day-in-the-life-of-a-retired-fighter-pilot
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Hawg on February 23, 2012, 12:13:21 PM
"Minnesota's worst air disaster occurred today when a Cessna 152, a small
two-seater plane, crashed into a Norwegian Lutheran church cemetary early
this morning. Sven and Ole, working as a search-and-rescue team, have
recovered 826 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging
continues into the evening."
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: 69.GIAP-ARTUR on February 24, 2012, 11:33:55 AM
LMFAO  :happy2:  That's funny shit
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Hawg on September 25, 2012, 08:22:09 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIInySnQe4I
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: ual002 on October 09, 2012, 01:07:11 PM
You've seen my downstairs mixup.
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: Hatter on December 04, 2012, 01:59:05 AM
Some rules of the air, I especially like the co-pilot rules;

Fighter Pilots: Cold, steely eyed, weapons systems managers who kill bad people and break things. However, they can also be very charming and personable. The average Fighter Pilot, despite sometimes having a swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. These feelings just don't involve anyone else.

Words of Wisdom From Aviators
Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.
Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane; the pessimist, the parachute.

If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage helicopter fly-ins?

Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.

Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers and helicopters
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Hoss on December 04, 2012, 07:56:32 PM
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whore-house! "

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whore-house smells like."




Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Hoss on December 04, 2012, 07:58:21 PM
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!



Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Thud on January 07, 2013, 07:11:51 PM
 A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
 
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
 
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
 
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!" 
 
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Hawg on March 27, 2013, 06:52:03 AM
Armstrong and Miller good LOL and this and that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-oPgbPdnWk&list=RD02lwNQf08Kxsw
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Hawg on June 12, 2013, 01:18:04 PM
http://io9.com/old-spock-battles-new-spock-in-the-greatest-car-commerc-493836696
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Cobraj on June 12, 2013, 09:04:06 PM
LOL funny
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Hawg on July 10, 2013, 10:49:19 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=wZsERX844Tg
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Razor on September 19, 2013, 01:36:01 PM
An oldie, but still one of my favorites!!  :icon_biggrin:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xu_leZE76VE
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_TwoLate on October 17, 2013, 09:37:44 AM

From another post in DCS World.

You never know  Makes me think of this story I heard from a friend that is an ATC:

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."

Ground: "Guten morgen! You will taxi to your gate!"

The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxi way and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing. I didn't stop."
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Skeetr on November 18, 2014, 11:24:58 PM
An old "Warlord" buddy from VN just sent me this.

Subject: Fishing
 Fishing

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub just outside the Air Force Base.

A ragged old Army Aviator was standing near the edge with a fishing rod, his line in the puddle.

A curious young Air Force fighter pilot came over to him and asked what he was doing.

"Fishing," the old guy simply said.

"Poor old fool," the Air Force officer thought and he invited the ragged old aviator into the pub for a drink.

As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the haughty fighter pilot asked, "And how many have you caught?"

"You're the eighth," the old Army Aviator answered.
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_MD44 on January 25, 2017, 03:16:30 PM
(https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/16298623_1347023402020666_3623948643808209486_n.jpg?oh=3764b5263c3443a68d9f6e903aa2e31c&oe=591BD413)
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Razor on January 25, 2017, 03:47:10 PM
That is too funny!!  :Rofl
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Animal on January 25, 2017, 10:11:07 PM
 :grin:
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_MD44 on April 12, 2017, 10:22:54 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPNN8w2XlwY
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Razor on April 12, 2017, 10:38:21 AM
I always suppected there was something a bit off about FlightSim users!!  :Rofl
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Animal on April 12, 2017, 12:32:46 PM
 :Rofl
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Thud on April 12, 2017, 12:34:42 PM
 :Rofl
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Bulldog on April 12, 2017, 03:34:02 PM
Can't believe I just watched that whole damn thing....LOL :Rofl
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Snooch on April 12, 2017, 09:53:48 PM
Absolutely Brilliant!  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_MD44 on November 18, 2017, 06:38:31 PM
Because...Navy

https://www.facebook.com/tacticalshit/videos/2023338687888345/
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Hawg on November 22, 2017, 09:24:12 AM
(http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b235/wholehawg/23659489_10215796377451141_6799438364746689212_n_zpsrrfqkv0q.jpg)

(http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b235/wholehawg/Attachment_zps5sdhucta.jpg)
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Razor on November 22, 2017, 09:42:24 AM
 :Rofl. That is too funny!!!
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_MD44 on January 25, 2018, 09:56:10 PM
Mandatory ramp fly by, Viggen style!

https://youtu.be/3PJMxGKNNm4
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Razor on January 26, 2018, 10:15:53 AM
LOL!! It's a good thing a camara wasn't pointed at me when that Vggen went over! I would have been more entertaining than that little boy!  :Rofl
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_MD44 on April 24, 2018, 02:15:35 PM
If anyone wants to practice their Tomcat landings, here you go:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC9RJ_SCRfM&t=8s&list=WL&index=1
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Razor on April 24, 2018, 04:46:10 PM
The humor in this is, how entertaining that was 20+ years ago!!  :Rofl
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Thud on April 24, 2018, 08:07:30 PM
I remember that.   :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Glider on April 26, 2018, 09:53:43 AM
Wow I did not know VEAO was working on a Tomcat for carrier landings.... this must be why they stopped work on the P40  :Rofl
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_Razor on April 26, 2018, 04:20:55 PM
That is too funny!!!  :Rofl
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_MD44 on May 11, 2018, 08:22:56 PM
Saw that text and had to make this:


(https://i.imgur.com/B7xs14f.png)
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: AG-51_MD44 on August 23, 2018, 01:23:31 PM
Everything wrong with German aircraft

https://youtu.be/u8unOqtdD6w
Title: Re: Funnies-
Post by: Apache600 on August 23, 2018, 04:11:27 PM
Hahaha   that was pretty good