Author Topic: Funnies-  (Read 9511 times)

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Offline AG-51_Hawg

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Funnies-
« on: October 24, 2011, 11:42:12 AM »
I don't know if we have a sticky Joke thread if not make this it !! :)


A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST.
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.

Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your Wooden Leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

 
« Last Edit: October 24, 2011, 12:04:22 PM by AG-51_Cobraj »

Offline AG-51_Cobraj

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Re: Funnies-
« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2011, 01:05:45 PM »
Sticky
=Cobraj=
Air Group 51 Commanding Officer (RET)

"A faithful friend is a source of strength; whoever finds one has found a treasure."

Offline AG-51_TwoLate

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Re: Funnies-
« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2011, 03:42:50 PM »
mlol
"We don't leave our brothers behind."

Offline AG-51_Thud

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Re: Funnies-
« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2011, 10:03:55 AM »
Me and the daughter playing with her new MAC

Offline AG-51_Sabot

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Re: Funnies-
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2012, 09:18:14 PM »
While walking along the cliffs along Lake Mead last Sunday morning I noticed a Obama Supporter slip from the cliffs and fall into the Lake.

He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the propaganda he had been carrying. If he didn't get help he'd surely drown.

Being responsible I informed Police and the Park Rangers.
 
It is now 4 p.m..on Tuesday, he has drowned, and neither authority has yet responded. I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.
« Last Edit: January 17, 2012, 09:19:42 PM by AG-51_Sabot »


"There is an art … to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Offline AG-51_Glider

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Re: Funnies-
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2012, 10:34:41 AM »
Me and the daughter playing with her new MAC

Don't let Bulldog see that picture... he start having nightmares about anal probes again!


69.GIAP-ARTUR

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Re: Funnies-
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2012, 11:38:47 AM »
 An  old Pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of  coffee. 
 
 As  he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to  him... 
She  turned to the pilot and said, "I'm told you're a pilot, is that  true?"
 
 He  replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes; Cubs, Aeronca's,  Neiuports,  flew A-6  Attack aircraft in Vietnam, taught 50 people to  fly  and gave  rides to hundreds, so, yes, I guess I am a  pilot."
 
 He then asked  the young woman, "What do you do?"
 
 She  said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As  soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower,  I think about  naked women  When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems  everything  makes me  think of naked women."
 
 The  two sat drinking their coffee in silence until the woman got up  and left.
 
 A  little while later, a  young man sat  down by the old pilot and asked,  "Are  you really a pilot?"
 
 The  old man thought for a while and finally replied, "Well, I always thought I  was a pilot, but I just recently found out I'm really a  lesbian."

Hatter

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Offline AG-51_Hawg

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Re: Funnies-
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2012, 12:13:21 PM »
"Minnesota's worst air disaster occurred today when a Cessna 152, a small
two-seater plane, crashed into a Norwegian Lutheran church cemetary early
this morning. Sven and Ole, working as a search-and-rescue team, have
recovered 826 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging
continues into the evening."

69.GIAP-ARTUR

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Re: Funnies-
« Reply #9 on: February 24, 2012, 11:33:55 AM »
LMFAO  :happy2:  That's funny shit

Offline AG-51_Hawg

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Re: Funnies-
« Reply #10 on: September 25, 2012, 08:22:09 AM »

ual002

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Re: Funnies-
« Reply #11 on: October 09, 2012, 01:07:11 PM »
You've seen my downstairs mixup.

Hatter

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Re: Funnies-
« Reply #12 on: December 04, 2012, 01:59:05 AM »
Some rules of the air, I especially like the co-pilot rules;

Fighter Pilots: Cold, steely eyed, weapons systems managers who kill bad people and break things. However, they can also be very charming and personable. The average Fighter Pilot, despite sometimes having a swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. These feelings just don't involve anyone else.

Words of Wisdom From Aviators
Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.
Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane; the pessimist, the parachute.

If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage helicopter fly-ins?

Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.

Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers and helicopters

Offline AG-51_Hoss

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Re: Funnies-
« Reply #13 on: December 04, 2012, 07:56:32 PM »
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whore-house! "

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whore-house smells like."





Offline AG-51_Hoss

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Re: Funnies-
« Reply #14 on: December 04, 2012, 07:58:21 PM »
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!