Airgroup 51
General Forums (Public) => General Discussion (Public) => Topic started by: AG-51_Hawg on October 24, 2011, 11:42:12 AM
-
I don't know if we have a sticky Joke thread if not make this it !! :)
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.
The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:
Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST.
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.
Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your Wooden Leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
-
Sticky
-
mlol
-
Me and the daughter playing with her new MAC
-
While walking along the cliffs along Lake Mead last Sunday morning I noticed a Obama Supporter slip from the cliffs and fall into the Lake.
He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the propaganda he had been carrying. If he didn't get help he'd surely drown.
Being responsible I informed Police and the Park Rangers.
It is now 4 p.m..on Tuesday, he has drowned, and neither authority has yet responded. I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.
-
Me and the daughter playing with her new MAC
Don't let Bulldog see that picture... he start having nightmares about anal probes again!
-
An old Pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him...
She turned to the pilot and said, "I'm told you're a pilot, is that true?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes; Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew A-6 Attack aircraft in Vietnam, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so, yes, I guess I am a pilot."
He then asked the young woman, "What do you do?"
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women."
The two sat drinking their coffee in silence until the woman got up and left.
A little while later, a young man sat down by the old pilot and asked, "Are you really a pilot?"
The old man thought for a while and finally replied, "Well, I always thought I was a pilot, but I just recently found out I'm really a lesbian."
-
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/13046081/a-typical-day-in-the-life-of-a-retired-fighter-pilot
-
"Minnesota's worst air disaster occurred today when a Cessna 152, a small
two-seater plane, crashed into a Norwegian Lutheran church cemetary early
this morning. Sven and Ole, working as a search-and-rescue team, have
recovered 826 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging
continues into the evening."
-
LMFAO :happy2: That's funny shit
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIInySnQe4I
-
You've seen my downstairs mixup.
-
Some rules of the air, I especially like the co-pilot rules;
Fighter Pilots: Cold, steely eyed, weapons systems managers who kill bad people and break things. However, they can also be very charming and personable. The average Fighter Pilot, despite sometimes having a swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. These feelings just don't involve anyone else.
Words of Wisdom From Aviators
Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.
Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane; the pessimist, the parachute.
If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage helicopter fly-ins?
Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.
Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers and helicopters
-
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whore-house! "
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whore-house smells like."
-
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
-
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
-
Armstrong and Miller good LOL and this and that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-oPgbPdnWk&list=RD02lwNQf08Kxsw
-
http://io9.com/old-spock-battles-new-spock-in-the-greatest-car-commerc-493836696
-
LOL funny
-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=wZsERX844Tg
-
An oldie, but still one of my favorites!! :icon_biggrin:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xu_leZE76VE
-
From another post in DCS World.
You never know Makes me think of this story I heard from a friend that is an ATC:
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten morgen! You will taxi to your gate!"
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxi way and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing. I didn't stop."
-
An old "Warlord" buddy from VN just sent me this.
Subject: Fishing
Fishing
The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub just outside the Air Force Base.
A ragged old Army Aviator was standing near the edge with a fishing rod, his line in the puddle.
A curious young Air Force fighter pilot came over to him and asked what he was doing.
"Fishing," the old guy simply said.
"Poor old fool," the Air Force officer thought and he invited the ragged old aviator into the pub for a drink.
As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the haughty fighter pilot asked, "And how many have you caught?"
"You're the eighth," the old Army Aviator answered.
-
(https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/16298623_1347023402020666_3623948643808209486_n.jpg?oh=3764b5263c3443a68d9f6e903aa2e31c&oe=591BD413)
-
That is too funny!! :Rofl
-
:grin:
-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPNN8w2XlwY
-
I always suppected there was something a bit off about FlightSim users!! :Rofl
-
:Rofl
-
:Rofl
-
Can't believe I just watched that whole damn thing....LOL :Rofl
-
Absolutely Brilliant! :thumbsup:
-
Because...Navy
https://www.facebook.com/tacticalshit/videos/2023338687888345/
-
(http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b235/wholehawg/23659489_10215796377451141_6799438364746689212_n_zpsrrfqkv0q.jpg)
(http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b235/wholehawg/Attachment_zps5sdhucta.jpg)
-
:Rofl. That is too funny!!!
-
Mandatory ramp fly by, Viggen style!
https://youtu.be/3PJMxGKNNm4
-
LOL!! It's a good thing a camara wasn't pointed at me when that Vggen went over! I would have been more entertaining than that little boy! :Rofl
-
If anyone wants to practice their Tomcat landings, here you go:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC9RJ_SCRfM&t=8s&list=WL&index=1
-
The humor in this is, how entertaining that was 20+ years ago!! :Rofl
-
I remember that. :thumbsup:
-
Wow I did not know VEAO was working on a Tomcat for carrier landings.... this must be why they stopped work on the P40 :Rofl
-
That is too funny!!! :Rofl
-
Saw that text and had to make this:
(https://i.imgur.com/B7xs14f.png)
-
Everything wrong with German aircraft
https://youtu.be/u8unOqtdD6w
-
Hahaha that was pretty good
-
Just makes me laugh…..